Every breath you take
I watch you slip away
You’re slowly killing yourself.
I feel like this is how everyone else around views me.
Because every breath I take, is a grasp for air, a grasp for another few minutes of life.
Sometimes I struggle to even breathe without having to focus on it. And that’s the problem with
“chronically hyperventilating”
I don’t know I’m doing it at times. But I do, and it’s just a side effect of severe anxiety.
This is the cause for my chest pain. And I know it, but knowing about one of my illnesses doesn’t help me get over it.
My Brian is the most impressive organ in my body. And yours too.
So when your Brian goes, as I say “AWOL”
You can’t just sit there and say “okay, I’ll change how I think”
Mental health doesn’t work that way.
I wish it did. I’d have a few others around me now that I currently don’t. And I’d be able to just say “ah fuck it”
Instead I’m still here, living in my own nightmare.
I can’t wait to leave it all behind, I’d love to say I’ll be okay, but the reality is… I don’t know how I’ll be tomorrow; let alone next year.
So I’ll take it a day at a time.
I won’t give in, or give up.
However I am still able to sit here and make myself suffer because I can’t fully control what I’m going through… not yet anyway.
Good night.
L.
A Tough Time To Be Honest 