What the hell happened?

So I’m sat here thinking, what happened? What went wrong? Why am I like this?

Well, a lot happened. A lot went wrong.

And I’ve always been like this.

I always seem to “fix” my life, get everything moving in the right direction. And then… I ALWAYS. Let the wrong person in.

I ALWAYS let them mess with my head.

I ALWAYS neglect the wrong people for the WRONG person.

I like to think I’m a good judge of character. But in reality. I’m not.

I’m now back to square one.

Anxiety and depression have taken over again. And last night I got told I look dead. Not only in looks. But it was easy for someone to turn around and say

“you’re dead inside aren’t you?”

Well shit…

There are some positives however, feeling no emotion anymore makes it easy to discard people like they were nothing.

Having a good job with a supportive manager means I have something to focus on instead of sitting inside my head all day.

Now it’s time to turn this all around. Make amends with those who I’ve pushed away for the wrong reasons & push those away who I’ve kept close for the wrong reasons.

I’ve been close to being done.

But I’m not being beaten. Not this time.